


A Hundred Thousand Sunsets Ago

by duchesskryze (i_want_rose_tyler_back)



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Also the doctor visits rose in the past, F/M, hes so in love with her god, kinda angsty but more bittersweet i think, the doc actually gets a bit of closure with rose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 17:18:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13322844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_want_rose_tyler_back/pseuds/duchesskryze
Summary: ‘A hundred thousand sunsets ago.’ whispers in his mind. Her voice in his head is off somehow, he knows his memory of her cannot remain perfect forever, but her dazzling tongue in tooth smile is still there in his minds eye and somehow it has become comforting rather than painful.Inspired by Rose's line about The Doctor being able to visit a hundred thousand sunsets ago.





	A Hundred Thousand Sunsets Ago

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not entirely sure what happened with this but I kind of like it. I hope you do too!!

_“You can see days dead and gone. A hundred thousand sunsets ago.”_

 

He first visits Rose just before his death. He helps thirteen year old her with homework because damn it if he’s going to die he deserves to see her just one more time. The universe owes him that damn it.

 

She’s brilliant as he thought she would be of course. She struggled a bit with maths at first, but soon got the hang of it. He may have made a joke about her becoming an engineer that she didn’t get. At least, not yet. She still had about another ten years to go.

 

He left again, and faced his so called death. He thought he had put Rose Tyler in the back of his mind but she had a habit of being heard. He can hear the little voice in his head, his conscience which has somehow taken on the voice of Rose Tyler begs him not to kill the Silent’s. Not like this.

 

He doesn’t listen and he can almost hear her yelling at him. What the hell _was_ he turning into?

 

He doesn’t take as long as he should to dwell on it. He is, after all, the one who _forgets_. He’s so old, he doesn’t have time to regret anymore.

 

He sees her, sometimes. When he is isolated in the sky, punishing himself for not protecting his friends. He knows it was her, in his mind that made him land here with Strax and Jenny (why was that name so familiar again?) and Vastra. If he had been left alone to his own devices he would have chosen floating in space. She’s surely a recreation of his mind, nothing more. Born of his grief. His mind reminding him of one of his greatest losses.

 

Then why he wonders, does seeing her - _it_ -bring him hope?

 

He gets the answer in the form of a barmaid. For a moment she reminds him so much of Rose he can’t quite get his lungs to work and his bypass kicks in. Her determination, her quick wit, her willingness to help. He has to remind himself he’s only projecting. Even so, _he always knows who_. She deserves a key.

 

Later, when he’s at her gravestone, he could almost swear he saw a flash of gold in the corner of his eye. And that odd feeling of hope hits him once again until he notices _Oswin_.

 

When Clara chooses to live a life off the TARDIS for a while he spends a long time in the vortex. He’s not sure why, he could simply jump ahead, but he doesn’t. Instead as of his hands were moving of their own accord, he was flying into the past

 

 _‘A hundred thousand sunsets ago.’_ whispers in his mind. Her voice in his head is off somehow, he knows his memory of her cannot remain perfect forever, but her dazzling tongue in tooth smile is still there in his minds eye and somehow it has become comforting rather than painful.

 

He steps out of the TARDIS and onto the Powell Estate. He’s planning to keep his distance this time, he didn’t double check the time when he left. Memories of defeating an invasion and christmas dinner flood his mind, he doesn’t notice the familiar blonde approach him until it’s too late.

 

“Mister Smith? I thought you’d left town. Didn’t think I’d see you again.” Rose says with a slight frown. And he quickly files the sound of her voice away in his mind. It still doesn’t seem quite right, but this is as close as he can get.

 

“Ah Rose Tyler. My favourite student. How long has it been?” He dodges the question.

 

However, no matter the age, Rose can see right through him. “Don’t dodge the question Mister Smith. What’re you doin’ back ‘ere? I mean, M’ glad to see ya an’ all but S’been a while.”

 

“I left town and now I’m back. You know I was here and there and over there. Not at the same time mind you, I wasn’t ripped apart. That sounds a bit gruesome, sorry. Point is I was visiting. Sorry it’s been so long.”

 

“Whatever. Can ya stay for my birthday? M’ turning fifteen tomorrow.” She asks with a nervousness that nearly has the doctor saying _yes, yes I can absolutely come_. He fights against it. This isn’t his Rose, and he’s not her doctor.

 

“Can’t, sorry. Got here and there to get back to.” She deflates and it breaks his hearts but he reminds himself this isn’t her. Doesn’t make it hurt less.

 

 _‘You know when you see a photograph of someone you know, but it's from years before you knew them. It's like they're not quite finished; they're not done_   _yet_. River’s voice comes to mind and he knows she’s right. Coming here was a big mistake. This wasn’t his Rose. He shouldn’t have come. If he was a better man, he never would have considered it. She wasn’t done yet. She wasn’t the defender of the earth just yet.

 

“I best run along now. I’m sure you’ll see me again someday.” He began backing up. “Now, run!” He makes a funny face to make her giggle and runs to the TARDIS around the corner.

 

 _What an odd man he was._ Rose thought fondly.

 

Rose bursts back into her flat feeling strangely light after her encounter with her old tutor. “Mum you’ll never guess who I saw.”

 

“Your mums in the kitchen puttin’ the finishing touches on her pie. Who’d ya see, Rose?”

 

“Oh just an old friend, Jimmy. Was a bit overexcited is all. What’re you doing ‘ere though? The party isn’t til tomorrow.”

 

He smiled apologetically. “I came to let you know I can’t make it tomorrow. I got a gig. You understand, right Ro?”

 

She tried to cover the disappointment with a smile. “‘Course, yeah. I mean gettin’ a gig is real important.

 

“Thanks for understanding, Ro. You’re the best.” And when he kissed her she felt weak in the knees and she found she couldn’t quite remember why she was upset anyways.

 

Soon enough, or perhaps far too long, The Doctor regenerates. For the first moment since he met her, The Doctor forgets Rose Tyler. Not completely, he knows there is something familiar about these robots using people for parts and he knows there is something significant in these yellow roses that just smell wrong for some reason.

 

When he finally gets his wits back about him he drops Clara off and locks himself away in his room. All he can feel is shame. He once promised himself he wouldn’t leave her behind. He once told her he wouldn’t forget, he couldn’t. He wanted to forget for so long, yet when he finally did, it was awful. He had no idea who he was missing.

 

When Clara was erased from his mind, he would be reminded of this. He would lock himself away and he breaks anything within reach. He doesn’t want to forget. When everything else fades, it is always the bright and shining companions who remain in his mind. From Susan all the way to Clara. He remembers them all so clearly, until he doesn’t. And it terrifies him. He doesn’t want to forget any of them.

 

It strikes him suddenly, how Donna must have felt, and if that doesn’t just heap on the shame.

 

And suddenly he is missing his pink and yellow human, more intensely than he has in centuries (thats a lie) and soon enough he is out of his room and in the console room once more. He had promised himself before to never visit Rose before she was Rose again. It felt too wrong. Well, he was going to break a rule of time travel. He was going back on his timeline, not just hers. He was going to visit when a younger him is around… Best avoid him.

 

Soon enough he landed on Earth, the last visit before hell. He remembers making some excuse or another to tinker in the TARDIS and escape Jackie. The Doctor gave an involuntary shiver. He may love Jackie, but she could be too much at times… Most times.

 

When he steps out he immediately begins to wonder what the hell he’s doing here. This was a mistake plain and simple. What was he going to do, bang on the door and ask to look at Rose for old time sake? No thanks, he’d rather not have another infamous Jackie Tyler slap.

 

He didn’t have to wait long however, as Rose came stomping up to the TARDIS mumbling to herself. Something about stupid aliens and their inability to keep still.

 

It took a moment, but she noticed him standing on the other side of the TARDIS. “Who are you?”

 

“Me? I’m nobody, not really supposed to be here. I ought to get going actually, really.” Babbling around Rose didn’t change it seemed. Even after a hundred thousand sunsets, as she had once put it.

 

“Doctor?” She deflated immediately. Ah, yes, he said that out loud then. Wonderful.

 

She saw her eyes tear up and it occurred to him he was in a different body, and she may be a bit concerned. “Right. No. I mean, not your doctor at least. Look, I really should not be here.”

 

“If you’re not… my doctor. You had to have come from the future yeah? Why are you here? Is something wrong?”

 

He really needs her to stop frowning like that, she looks so worried and he doesn’t want his last memory of Rose to be making her frown. “No, Rose really don’t worry. Go on and pester me for some chips or something. Everything is fine. Just landed a bit off, as usual.”

 

“You’re a really bad liar in this body you know.” A faint smile settles on her lips. The Doctor never thought he’d be so happy to see someone smile.

 

“No, you’ve just always been able to see through me Rose Tyler. No matter the body.”

 

This time she grinned, full on tongue in teeth. It was fleeting however as she sobered almost immediately and the Doctor mourned the loss of that grin. “How long has it been? Since I’ve- since I’ve been gone.”

 

“Rose you know better than to ask for future-“

 

“I’m not asking for my future.” She cut him off. “I’m asking how long has it been. I know I’m still human, Doctor. I’m not going to live anywhere near as long as you. We’ve already had this conversation. Suppose it’s been a bit longer for you though… I’m not asking how old I was or anything just… how long?”

 

The Doctor is quiet for a moment. “Not quite sure anymore. I suspect somewhere close to two thousand years. Possibly more, probably more. I try not to count.”

 

Rose’s eyes widened. “That long and you’re coming for a visit? Why? Haven’t you picked up a new companions or something?”

 

“I do… I did. I lost more people. Important people. I forgot some things too. I don’t want to let myself forget you. That’s why I’m here.”

 

“What do you mean forgot? Doctor, your memory may not be spot on, but you’re usually quite good with it.” Rose asked.

 

“When I regenerated I forgot you. I knew the yellow roses I picked up didn’t smell right, and a million other things. I regained my memory of you, but I lost the memory of someone else. Another friend of mine. I won’t let that happen to your memory Rose Tyler. I can’t.”

 

“Then don’t. I’m sure I left things all over the TARDIS. I’m sure you could find pictures and videos. Let yourself remember Doctor, but don’t hold too tightly to the past. I don’t want you to forget me, maybe that’s selfish, but I don’t. But you do need to move on. Remember me, but keep going Doctor. Don’t beat yourself up for forgetting. Regeneration makes you all funny anyway.” She paused for a moment. “Oh, and find yourself a hand to hold. I hear those are quite important in space travel.” She winked with a grin.

 

The Doctor nodded. “Thank you, Rose… Now, you best get going. I’m going to be wondering where you are any minute now.”

 

Rose nodded, giving the Doctor a quick peck on the cheek. Slowly she backed away from him. “And remember what I said back in Van Statten’s bunker. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. Because I really wouldn’t have.”

 

“No, nor would I. Stuff of legends we were!” He paused for a moment, a small, almost sad smile appeared on his face as he watched her walking away yet again. He spoke again, just loud enough for her to hear, and reverently as she had ever heard him.

 

“It really was so nice to meet you, Rose. Now run for your life.”


End file.
